Welcome to
The city so pleasing
That everyone's leaving
Fuck it, go west
Watch your backs
The city is bustlin'
With all kinds of hustlin'
And grit, go west
For Independence
Here are just a few things you should know:
Stay on the trail or you might get lost
Don't pay the toll, not worth the cost
Marry rich so ya don't die poor
A bankers' best, but ya might die bored
And independent
(Dialogue)
There's lots to learn
Which kid is your favorite?
Not all of them make it
Of course, sinkholes
A nine-month dirge
Every marriage is tested
Thank God they invented
Divorce, trending
In Independence
Here's a piece of free advice for you:
Before you go the General Store
Has all you need and plenty more
For your I-N-D-E-pendence
(Dialogue)
General Store Guy:
We're all friends
There's no war a-brewing
No one's abusing
Their rights to own an
Ox:
Ox like me!
General Store Guy:
You'll need a full yolk
Ox:
Their love and care is no joke
General Store Guy:
It's a job of your love
Ox:
Independent!
(Dialogue)
General Store Guy:
Here are just a few rules to live by
Father:
For your independence!
General Store Guy:
Don't say sorry to your Indian guide
They're not prepared for genocide
You might die of cholera and you might die of pain
But that's okay 'cause you'll probably get laid
By your mom and dad and little kids too
'Cause you all have to share the same bedroom
Use your kids as tourniquets
"Cause they won't help when you're bit
By a bear!
Or a snake!
Mother Nature's really great
When you're out there on the Oregon Trail
Feels like you are going to fail
But don't give up too soon
The world is your saloon
(Dialogue)
Mother:
There's a place for us
In a house out west
It's Oregon or bust
To save the family crest
That's the promise of the valley
Leave all this behind
Lord have mercy on my soul
As I try to lead the blind!
Chin up kids
Your family's united
Daughter:
I guess I'm excited...
Grandpa:
(Spoken) Oh, I'm so excited I pooped myself!
Mother:
Let's go where
The gold rush is soaring
Mother, Daughter, Son, Grandpa:
Let's go exploring
Our independence!
Citizen and Father:
Be prepared to take your life
With an arrow or a hunting knife
Stop and see Fort Laramie
There's nothin' to see, but you'll have to pee
Do you understand 'cause you look confused
Take a look at scenic mountain views
Stay away from Old Man Bridger
When he's drunk he'll take your liver
Life is not a petting zoo
Or you'll get ripped in two
By a...
All:
...Bear!
Or a snake!
Mother Nature's really great
Staying alive can be lots of fun
Be sure you have a loaded gun
Something will go wrong
The list is far too long
Declare your independence
Declare your independence
Declare your independence
Declare your