Norma
Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way
This is a surprise celebration
I hope you've remembered everything i've said
I want to see a total transformation
Joe
What's all this?
Norma
Happy birthday, darling. did you think we'd forgotten?
Joe
Well, i ... i don't know.
Norma
These people are from the best men's shop in town. i had them close it down for the day.
Joe
Norma, now listen!
Norma
I'll leave you boys to it.
Manfred
Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!
Joe
What's going on?
Manfred
Help yourself, it's all been taken care of
Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me
Joe
Well, golly gee
Manfred
Pick out anything you'd like a pair of
You just point, i'll do the rest
I've brought nothing but the best
You're a very lucky writer
Come along now, get undressed
Unless i'm much mistaken
That's a 42-inch chest
Joe
I don't understand a word you're saying
Manfred
Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying
It's nice to get your just reward this time of year
Joe
Get outta here!
Manfred
And all my merchandise is strictly kosher
When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff
Joe
Hey, that's enough
Manfred
Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure
I have just the thing for you
Chalk-stripe suits
Salesman 1
In black
Salesman 2
Or blue
Salesman 3
Glen plaid trousers
Salesman 4
Cashmere sweaters
Salesman 5
Bathing shorts for malibu
Salesman 6
Here's a patent leather lace-up
Salesman 7
It's a virtuoso shoe
Manfred
And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna
Joe
You know what you can do with your vicuna
Norma
Come on joe, you haven't even started yet
Joe
You wanna bet?
Norma
I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion
He always takes forever making up his mind
Don't be unkind
I thought you writers knew about compassion
I love flannel on a man
Manfred
This will complement his tan
Norma
We'll take two of these and four of those
Manfred
I'm still your greatest fan!
Very soon now we'll have stopped him
Looking like an also-ran
Joe
You're going to make me sorry that i'm staying
Norma
Well, all right, i'll choose, after all, i'm paying!
Manfred
Evening clothes?
Norma
I want to see your most deluxe
Joe
Won't wear a tux
Norma
Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters
Manfred
What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat
Joe
I can't wear that
Norma
Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters
Joe
Norma, please...
Norma
Shut up, i'm rich
Now some platinum blonde bitch
I own so many apartments
I've forgotten which is which
Joe
I don't have to go to premieres
I'm never on display
You seem to forget that i'm a writer
Who cares what you wear when you're a writer?
Norma
I care, joe, and please don't be so mean to me.
Joe
O.k., all right.
Norma
You can't come to my new year's eve party in that filling-station shirt.
Joe
I've been invited somewhere else on new year's eve.
Norma
Where?
Joe
Artie green. he's an old friend of mine.
Norma
I can't do without you, joe, i need you.
I've sent out every single invitation
Joe
All right, norma, i give in
Norma
Of course you do
And when they've dressed you
You'll cause a sensation
Salesmen
We equip the chosen few of movieland
Manfred
(the latest cut)
Salesmen
We dress every movie star and crooner
From their shiny toecaps to their hatband
Manfred
(conceal your gut)
You won't regret selecting the vicuna
Salesmen
If you need a hand to shake
If there's a girl you want to make
If there's a soul you're out to capture
Or a heart you want to break
If you want the world to love you
Manfred
You'll have to learn to take
Salesmen
And gracefully accept the role you're playing
Manfred
You will earn every cent the lady's paying