I feel like Alonzo Spellman when he went crazy
Hitchhiking in a hospital gown
Until Samurai Mike came and cooled him down
Man, Maureen made a real nice spread
Cole slaw, kabobs, noodles and deviled eggs
I feel like The Fridge when he met Reagan
Filet mignon, baked potato, sour cream and bacon
I haven't felt this way since Superbowl Twenty
Or that time I met the Beringers outside of Ricobene's
I swear O'Douls never made me feel like this
Dancing to Phil Collins, loose by the hips
I feel like Willie Gault, normally I'm Steve Fuller
It's not my fault that I knocked over the cooler
The meat's from Moo and Oinks in the dirt, wash it off
Raise up your flame and put on some extra 'que sauce
I keep whizzing, I keep eating all the chicken
I jumped in the pool with Maureen's dog Mittens
My Brooks are so heavy
Man, O'Douls is making me tired
My Craig Hodges jersey is dirty
My shorts are in the dryer
I feel like Mongo in '86 in his suite
Hanging out with McMahon after the Bears got beat
Or Lee Smith when they lost to the Padres
Or when "Hawk" Dawson got hit in the face and got dazed
I still don't forgive Eric Show to this day
Or Scottie Pippen when told Phil he wouldn't play, like
Ozzie Guillen
Oh, you gonna let Toni Kucoc take the last shot?
I lost to a kid in checkers
And if I drive home this way call
Victory Auto Wreckers
Now it's night and I'm sleeping on Maureen's hood
Sleeping on a Thunderbird with no shorts don't feel good
Jueles has my keys and folded up my dry shorts
She opens up the Fiero and I hop in head first
Juelie, my Brooks are soaking wet
My O'Douls just didn't taste right
Jueles said "Hey Kenny," I said "Yeah"
She said "Kenny baby, you know you were drinking Bud Light?"
(Good job with the noodles, Maureen.)