"We are gathered here tonight,
to lay to rest Abigail LaFey,
whom we now know
was first born dead
on The 7th Day of July 1777.
Abigail must be nailed to her coffin
with 7 silver spikes,
1 through each arm, hand and knee,
and let the last of the 7 be drawn through
her mouth
so that she may never rise and cause evil again