He's as happy as a martyr when the fire won't burn
And he doesn't like the philosophy of live and learn
Complains when he's not chosen but moans when it's his turn
He wants things to go sour just so he can say
"well i warned you it'd all fall apart this way"
And just don't ask his opinion on modern art or plays
So turn your aspirations down - the gloom-monger's in town
You're never sure whose side he wants to be on
And the intellectual tide just floats him along
He gets it wrong on purpose just to prove himself correct
And you'll hear him on the phone-ins from morning till night
He's the catalyst that always sparks off a fight
Yeah he sure knows how to aggravate - he's studied it for years
So turn that smile into a frown - the gloom-monger's in town
"oh woe is me
I backed both sides in the cup - and they drew
That just shows the state of sportsmen for you"
He hates playing any individual game
'cause there's nobody on whom to apportion blame
Put his shrink off the profession and his priest feels quite the same
Can you spare some thorns for a crown - the gloom-monger's in town
"it's a disgrace
The service in this place - it's too quick
They barely give you time to think about what's wrong with the walls
Oh woe is me
But i haven't decided why today"
He's always got some proverb that means nothing at all
Puts the fear of life right up you when he comes to call
And he sounds like someone's promised to chop off his balls if he laughs
And he thinks his gloomy nature aids longevity
But it's having quite the opposite effect on me
As he spits his bile at yet another triviality
Now what goes up must surely come down - the gloom-monger's in town
And i think he can't quite wait till we drown - the gloom-monger's in town