JERRY (spoken):
Thank you! Welcome to the show!
(AUDIENCE Cheer)
JERRY (spoken):
Today all my guests have guilty secrets.
They also have partners who want to get these secrets off their chests and come clean!
So please welcome my first guest with a dirty secret, Dwight!
(AUDIENCE Cheer/Jeer)
Welcome to the show, Dwight!
DWIGHT:
Hey Jerry, wassup?
JERRY (spoken):
Wassup?
AUDIENCE:
Wassup!
JERRY (spoken):
So Dwight, what's on your mind?
DWIGHT:
I been seein' my fiancee for two years.
AUDIENCE:
Aaah.
DWIGHT:
And we're getting married in two months!
AUDIENCE:
Aaah.
JERRY (spoken):
And what is it you want to tell your fiancee?
DWIGHT:
I been seeing someone else!
AUDIENCE:
Boo!
DWIGHT:
Someone else!
AUDIENCE:
Boo!
DWIGHT:
Someone else! Someone else!
AUDIENCE:
Boo!
DWIGHT:
Whatever! Get over it!
JERRY (spoken):
Okay, shhh, come on! Now, does your fiancee know this person?
DWIGHT:
Its her best friend, Zandra.
AUDIENCE:
Boo!
DWIGHT:
Oh whatever!
JERRY (spoken):
Okay, okay.
Now, you're getting married in two months, why would you cheat on your future wife?
DWIGHT:
I don't know, Jerry, it just happened!
But I really love her!
AUDIENCE:
Aaah!
DWIGHT:
God, I really love her! But I gotta get my secret of my chest!
AUDIENCE and DWIGHT:
Off my/his chest!
JERRY (spoken):
Well lets see feels about it, please say hello to Peaches!
AUDIENCE:
Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry! Pig! Bitch! Pig! Bitch!
JERRY (spoken):
Hi Peaches, dont listen to them, they're just kidding!
AUDIENCE:
Pig!
JERRY (spoken):
Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show, Peaches.
You know why you're here?
PEACHES:
No idea, Jerry.
JERRY (spoken):
Well how's the relationship?
DWIGHT:
It's good.
PEACHES:
Uh-huh!
DWIGHT:
Real good.
PEACHES:
Uh-huh!
JERRY (spoken):
Well Dwight has something he wants to tell you, go ahead, Dwight!
DWIGHT:
Baby, we been going out for two years.
PEACHES:
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
DWIGHT:
Things are going good!
PEACHES:
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
DWIGHT:
But I got something to say!
PEACHES:
Uh-huh, uh-huh?
DWIGHT:
Something that's burning inside!
PEACHES:
Uh-huh?