In Arpil I waited for the Easter Bunny
And when He came it sure felt funny
In July I stayed up waiting for George Washington
Who spilt his seed prematurely on my thumb
And in October the Jack-o-Lantern came by
And made my bedroom smell like pumpkin pie
November was exciting but all my friends were shocked
When I slept with all the Pilgrims of Plymouth Rock
And in December, Santa put me to the test
But I did what he said and I quickly got undressed
Now it's January and I'm pressed up to the window pane
Wishing and hoping but is it all in vain?
It's January, Jesus, January's here
When will you show up and pop me in the rear?
Jesus, having sex with you is never scary
But please don't make me do it with Joseph and Mary!