I've started to erase this last year.
Replacing everything I came to fear.
But my head's still trapped inside your sheets.
More and more I think that I killed me.
Growing up under florescent hallways,
Brother lied under hospital tray,
Now I call this place my second home,
Some fears die - others grow.
And I would take his hand and go to the river,
Crisp ice on eyes just made me stronger,
I'd do all his drugs to make it go away,
I still drink. I drink it all away.
Sitting in parking lots, watching stars rise,
Sitting in parking lots, I'll never feel right,
Riding my bike until my face feels numb,
I can't remember the last time these hands were mine,
I fucking hate everything I've become.
Maybe I'm older, but I'm not wiser,
I still feel just as blinded.
And I drove your car alone myself that night,
The heat didn't work - skidded over black ice,
And you walked me home, stumble drunk again,
To a dream that you had that I didn't fit in.
And I swear I tried as best as I could,
To fix broken bridges and make better on good,
I'd follow you, you know that's just me,
It's not what I want but it's how I breath.
Maybe I'm older, but I'm not wiser,
I still feel just as blinded.