I saw it advertised one day
Bear mountain picnic was comin' my way
"Come along 'n' take a trip
We'll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and kids
Bring the whole family"
Yippee
Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket
To this bear mountain picnic
But little did I realize
I was in for a picnic surprise
Had nothin' to do with mountains
I didn't even come close to a bear
Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier
Six thousand people there
Everybody had ticket for the trip
"Oh well," I said, "it's a pretty big ship
Besides, anyway, the more the merrier"
Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think
That big old boat started t' sink
More people kept a-pilin' on
That old ship was a-slowly goin' down
Funny way t' start a picnic
Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife
So many people there I never saw in m' life
That old ship sinkin' down in the water
Six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other
Dogs a-barkin', cats a-meowin'
Women screamin', fists a-flyin', babies cryin'
Cops a-comin', me a-runnin'
Maybe we just better call off the picnic
I got shoved down 'n' pushed around
All I could hear there was a screamin' sound
Don't remember one thing more
Just remember walkin' up on a little shore
Head busted, stomach cracked
Feet splintered, I was bald, naked
Quite lucky to be alive though
Feelin' like I climbed outta m' casket
I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket
Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home
Wishin' I'd never got up that morn
Now, I don't care just what you do
If you wanna have a picnic, that's up t' you
But don't tell me about it, I don't wanna hear it
'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit
Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic
In the bathroom
Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do for money
There's a bran' new gimmick every day
Just t' take somebody's money away
I think we oughta take some o' these people
And put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to bear mountain
For a picnic