Napoleon's a pastry
Bismarck is a herring
Alexander's a crème de cocoa mixed with rum
And Herbie Hoover is a vacu-um.
Columbus is a Circle, and a day off
Pershing is a Square, what a payoff
Julius Caesar is just a salad on a shelf
So, little brother, get wise to yourself.
Life's a bowl of cherry pits, that's the way it is
Play it big and it throws you for a loop
Comes today we're great,
Comes tomorrow we're tomato soup.
Napoleon's a pastry
Get this under your brow:
What once used to be a rooster
Is just a duster now.
DuBarry is a lipstick
Pompadour's a hairdo
Good Queen Mary just floats along from pier to pier;
Venus de Milo's just a pink brassiere.
Sir Gladstone is a bag - ain't it shocking,
And the mighty Kaiser's just a stocking,
Czar of Russia is now caviar,
And Cleopatra is a black cigar.
Yes my honey lamb, Swift is just a ham,
Lincoln's a tunnel, Coolidge is a dam;
Yes my noble lad, comes today we're fads,
Comes tomorrow we're subway ads.
Homer is a swa-at
Get this under your brow:
All these big-wheel controversials are just commercials now.
Better get your jug of wine and loaf of bread before that final bow.