LADY J: Thank God I'm not the first to arrive! Here, I brought you some absinthe.
BURRS: Lemme show you 'round. This here's the living room, and the bedroom's right through that door. Bathroom's offa the bedroom. Don't in there, though. Queenie hasn't cleaned it since we moved in two years ago. Drinks are in the kitchen.
JACKIE: Oh my! It's like a Shanghai brothel in here!
QUEENIE: Shut the fuck up, Jackie! I was going for a Zen thing. Y'know, Feng Shooey?
BURRS: All this shit's imported. That gong we got in Chinatown. Same with the butta.
QUEENIE: Well actually, the Buddha's from Sears.
BURRS: Same difference.
MADELAINE: Ya gonna offer me a drink, or what?
BURRS: I tole ya, drinks are in the kitchen!
MADELAINE: You mean you're not gonna make me one? What kinda host are you?
QUEENIE: I'll get it, Madelaine. Whatcha having?
MADELAINE: The uge. White lady, heavy on the gin!
OSCAR: Fuck me, is that a Steinway?
BURRS: Sure as hell is. Needs tuning, though.
OSCAR: Damn right it does.
BURRS: Way to look a gift horse in the mouth, Twinkle Toes!
PHIL: Speaking of horses, I heard Kate's new beau is hung like one!
BURRS: Who, that rich kid? She better not bring him here tonight.
PHIL: She said she was gonna. I wanna get a load of that package! (Breaks into laughter)
DOLORES (screaming): Eeeeek! That bathroom is horrible! There's underwear hanging from the door handle!
MADELAINE: I know! And dirty dishes in the sink! Who eats in their fucking bathroom anyway?
BURRS: I do! And if you don't like it, get the fuck out!
QUEENIE: Here's your drink, Madelaine. What's Dolores screaming about?
DOLORES: The bathroom! I'm traumatized!
QUEENIE (laughing): It's pretty rank in there, isn't it?
KATE: I can't believe you fuckersh shtarted without me! Hi Queenie. Hi Phil. And thash Jackie, right? My God, there's Mae! Hello Mae! I'm tight!