If I could get even with Steven
I'd sacrifice many a day
To tell all the people who worship his name
All the tales of his merciless way
It's sad not a soul would believe them
So thick is the web that he spun
But I know the truth of his terrible taste
And maybe the truth will save one
Oh Steven, you're not a man
You're not even a boy
You're just one cheating, apple eating heathen
The truth doth bring me joy, oh joy, oh joy
If I could get even with Steven
I'd have to stoop so very low
A swift uppercut wouldn't cut it
I feel so below, yeah on top we must go
I give you a reason for leaving
And tell your incestuous clan
To quit the charades and for once just behave
As the Heavenly Father commands
Oh Steven, you're not a man
You're not even a boy
You're just one cheating, apple eating heathen
The truth will bring me joy, oh joy, oh joy
But I can't get even with Steven
I pray dear Saint Peter to spare
Not one filthy detail of your wretched ways
When you're judged for your many affairs.
Cause I cringe when I think that you're thievin'
Some poor selfless heart as I speak
But the handsomest bastards
Are all in God's grace
'Til the craziest wake from their sleep
Oh Steven, you're not a man
You're not even a boy
You're just one cheating, apple eating heathen
The truth will bring me joy, oh joy, oh joy.