Mic check, mic check
One two, one two
New Joe Budden!
Uhh
Please somebody help my soul (x4)
Talk to 'em (talk to 'em)
I let the man have a talk with the beast in me
I'm holdin' onto my last bit of decency
I need a vacay, a change of scenery
But mama said wherever I'mma go, I'm taking me with me
I told her shit is on my mind and it's been eatin' me
She got me pissin' in a cup, she don't believe in me
It's not the drugs that got me out of my zone
Goin' days without eatin', in a crowd I feel alone, mama
Then she ask why it seems I never sleep at night
I told her when I close my eyes my brain just keeps the fight
She say my friends wanna have an intervention with me
I speak to niggas daily that was never mentioned to me
She told me there's a higher power and a lower power
And that I'll die if I don't find the strength to overpower
Then I replied, "well aren't we all"?
She said "yeah, but that should be on God's terms, not yours"
My every thought is scary
And it makes it hard to breathe again
Like I'm blinded while I'm starin' in the mirror
Askin' God to help me see again, please help me
But He tells me I'm only human
And that I'll be on my feet again, please help me
But they act like I'm more than human
I prove that I'm wrong again
Don't fault me I'm only human
Tryin' to weather the storm
I thought that black cloud was gone
It's been beside me all along, not the song
I wanna sit in silence, don't speak for a minute
Tired of being strong, please let me be weak for a minute
Kinda thought that my disease tried to kill your man first
It was easy to get my hands on 30 milligram Percs, worse
Can't be depression, couldn't have it this long
So many secrets I only told through a glass of Patron, my nigga
Speakin' of secrets, that's when I got the Kaylintext
Read it and cried, couldn't believe what she was sayin' next
She said "you're goin' through a lot
I'm hopin' you ain't in the grave and dead
Cause not too many people know your brain's a mess"
Who knew that she was keepin' track of it all?
I wrote back "lol" but wasn't laughin' at all
I ain't tell her just the other day that that gun was in my lap
Pen and pad as in my hand, and I was writin' a note
Didn't get far, as soon as I wrote down "mom" I just stopped
Couldn't lie to her, couldn't figure out how to say bye to her
Couldn't explain the "why" to her
Couldn't picture her gettin' a call or somebody sayin' her son had died to her
And shortly after that my pastor called
Which at first I kinda thought it was weird
But that convo preserved me, 'bout God's grace and mercy
He ain't even say goodbye, he said "let us pray"
And then he went into a prayer, gripped the phone, closed my eyes
Just so happy he appeared nigga shed another tear
Maybe he could sense that somethin' had
Just thankful he shed some light upon my darkest hour
All my thoughts are corrupt, this shit is whack
If everybody calls you a duck, will you just quack?
Guess a part of me really gives a fuck, way in the back
When I had that burner ready to bust, I didn't clap
Joe
Guess I'm insanity's definition
Tryin' to step over in sanity's repetition
But I can't it got me trippin'
Whatever love we had was dead that night
Lookin' back, we both needed cooler heads that night
Was goin' off no sleep, eyes red that night
While you was drunk textin' me, I hope I read that right
You was beefin' 'bout Giselle, beefin' bout Alexa
Suddenly you was jealous, musta thought that I had sexed her
I was laughin', thought it was funny
Giselle's my homie, Alexa's twenty
With hip withdrawals
Nothin' 'bout your story shoulda been stickin' at all
I wouldn't bicker at all
I'm guessin' you were insecure and never knew me
Was there for four months, yet you said this was a new me
In your head, guess the answer to this jealousy
Was to turn around and try to make me jealous, B
But the part that you neglect
Was never mind jealousy, this was 'bout respect
Y'all Instagrammin' pictures, tryin' to get me upset
You turned it into a night we both would never forget
We both said some things we both probably regret
You was lyin' to my face and them dots didn't connect, but cool
Only picked you up to try and talk sense into you
Now I'm fuckin' homeboy up, just off the principle
I guess he caught him self antagonizin' me
But he's a young nigga, that's no surprisin' me
Shit I done fucked some of the baddest hoes
I left shorty weeks ago, you can have this ho
I guess the part where I lose
Is now they got my face plastered all over the news, I'm being falsely accused
And I don't understand, was this all part of a plan?
I guess I'll tell the whole truth when on the stand
How you go and tell the cops I had guns in my house?
Now they got a search warrant, just to come to my house
Question: were your feelings worth takin' my tomorrow's, kid?
And you know Jersey gun laws, I'm talkin' hollow tips
So you can tell them niggas you roll with whatever you want
But you and I know what's goin' on
Nigga that whole night just replays in my mind
Your face is fine, this is a big waste of time
Let's get back to that jealousy
Now you got a nigga facin' three felonies
All for what, cause we were no longer dealin'
You attack me, but I'm the villain, over a fuckin' iPhone and feelings
Check, you never see me act like a jerk
I know women would provoke you and get mad when it works
Rather reserved and that always makes matters the worst
As I go on about my business and not act like it hurts, but wait
So now the whole world is watchin' me get burned here
Which is fine, there's a lesson to be learned here
Which is only fuck with strippers and the bartenders
Anytime there's a pole in the bar centered
So even though it's from afar now
I still wish you the best, I know your heart's tender
I'm sorry all, I just got my own scars to tend to
Signin' off, truly yours, with love, God's son