I saw your picture in the pointless magazine,
You wear your weapons well
You've got a future as a killing machine
As far as I can tell
I'm sure your driver does the best he can,
he does whatever it takes.
But I, I put my money on Slow Motion Man
because he never puts on the brakes.
And it's all part of the plan
when you hire Slow Motion Man
Can he devise your lesson plan?
Why yes he can.
And it takes such a long time
to arrive home when he drives
and he drives so slow he's slowly going mad (?)
And if you're looking for the naughtiest miseltoe
I know just what it takes
Sign this disclaimer just before you go because I make mistakes.
I cannot save you from drowning in jealousy if you refuse to believe.
What's in your heart is a fallacy, what's in your mind can never leave.
It's the products from Japan that are confounding Slow Motion Man
And he strives to make your wishes his command
It takes six to eight weeks to get closure when he speaks
And he speaks in a voice that drives you mad.
I could see you from my perch on highest tree
You hid the feelings you felt
And you forsook me for a dollar tree before I could even take of my bells
And now the weather has turned a few degrees and we must part for the year
Please don't expect me to remember memories
I leave them all right here.
And it's the meals from a can
giving life to Slow Motion Man.
As he sends directions to an endless caravan
And he dies such a long death
they will enshrine his final breath
and he breathes so heavy it makes you bleed.