Good evening
Thousands of people today were grieving
Over the loss of 200-some-odd civilians
The incident took place
Near a downtown Brooklyn apartment building
On a sidewalk across the street from a park with children in it
Strangely none sustained injury
Initial reports point to some sort of chemical mischief
Appeared on the bodies of the deceased
When asked to comment
Police admitted they had no leads
Just one woman woke out of her sleep
By loud, rhythmic speech
She claimed the strangest part about it was the pattern
Couplets of sergeant-like fury followed by nonsensical banter
As wee hours approached, it seemed the volume got worse
And became less of the second and more of the first
Police are working OEround the clock right now that's all they can tell us
We'll have more on this story as it develops
Signing off, Rheturik Jones
W.A. X. P
The best in the nation
All of our reporters at the top of their games
Now stay tuned for station identification
Tonight in sports
The cops got bested by the thieves
The star center got paid and hopped a plane overseas
And with an ease that you wouldn't believe
A second-class officer was caught at half-time selling keys
It was crooked as hell
But when they reached the final buzzer
The cops couldn't squeeze it out
Now on to other parts of the world
It was quite a butte in Montana
The militia took the field against the Feds from Alabama
They scrambled on the ground for the first half
It seemed as though they didn't have a chance
But the Feds didn't last
They were overcome
The militia had made a run and left notes like John Mclean
"Now we have machine guns"
The bitches beat the ho's three to one
That puts the ho's out of the playoffs
The bitches said ³Gee, it was fun²
Tomorrow night, the cats meet the duns
Now I'm no fortune-teller
But I know who might be winning that one
Signing off, L. Austin space
It's bad news in tomorrow's forecast
It starts sunny but dress warm
This heat won't last
Expect to see electrical storms and flooding
Public schools closed, kids
No cause for cutting
The inbound traffic's already backed up
So arrive at your local transportation stations early
We're foreseeing little space
First train to last bus
That's all for now
Need news, ask us
Signing off, Mas Dimitri