Oh my God girl, so I was like dating this guy
And he was like 5'4, curly hair, big brown beady eyes and so Jewish he was so cute
So he like, invited me over for Christmas dinner
But it wasn't Christmas dinner he said it was like khaaa
I don't know, I thought he sneezed
And like, when his mom opened the door I said: Merry Christmas
And she looked at me and she was like: Shalom
And I was like, oh
Where's your Christmas tree?
What's up with this candelabra?
Why are you guys eating Chinese food?
And she just looked at me and said
Uh, this is how we Jew it!
This is how we Jew it
This is how we Jew it
This is how we Jew it
So we sat down for dinner and there were like all these dill pickles on the table
And this weird jellyfish in a jar
And Stan offered me these things called potato latkes
And brisket and cholla bread and kugel
And I was like: Ew, I don't eat starch, I'm a gluten-free vegan, ugh!
The kids all play with these things called dreidels
And I'm like: Oh my god, I love Dr. Dre!
And they just looked at me kinda weird
And then their parents gave them these gold coins
And I'm like: Oh my god, I love money, I love Hanukkah!
Then his yaya gave me a glass of Manischewitz wine
And I was like: Oh my god I love it!
This is how we Jew it!
This is how we Jew it
This is how we Jew it
This is how we Jew it
After dinner all the guys were like: This shiska is cool
I totally felt like Barbra Streisand
I was like: Let's watch Yentl, let's break the glass, where's Mel Brooks?
This wine's got me schvitzing, oy gevalt, I'm getting verklempt
I'm on this Hasidic shit