I'm sick and tired of my generation getting blamed
For the state of the planet, I'm sick of my generation getting called
'The TV generation', "Well all you guys do is watch TV"
What did you expect? We watched lee harvey oswald get shot
Live on tv one Sunday morning, we were afraid to change
The fucking channel for the next thirty years
"This show sucks", "Yeah, but somebody might get shot
During the commercial, now hang on!
That's what's wrong with this country, we always shoot the wrong guys
We shoot J F K, we shoot R F K and it comes to teddy, we go
"Ahh, leave him alone, he'll fuck it up himself, no problem, you know"
Biggest target in the whole goddamn Kennedy family
Nobody takes a shot on me, he weighs about seven thousand pounds
You could shoot a bullet in Los Angeles and hit him in the ass in Boston
Five minutes later, he'd be standing on the lawn
At the Kennedy compound going, "Ah There's a bullet in my ass, ah"
Ted kennedy, good senator, but a bad date
You know what I'm saying, folks? One of those guys who gets home
At four o'clock in the morning and goes, "What did I forget?
Oh! The fucking girl! What's the matter with me?
Jesus, where are my pants? Holy shit!
Because I'll tell you folks, we got a real problem with guns
In this country, we have people snapping
Almost twice, three, four, five times a year, right?
People just snap, they can't take it anymore, they just snap
They go into Mcdonalds and kill fifteen people
I mean what the fuck is going on down at the post office?
Every six months some guy gets fired, comes back
And kills all his co-workers
If I worked at the post office as a supervisor
I wouldn't lay anybody off for the next twenty-five fucking years
I'd just walk around going, "Hanrahan, what're you doing?" "Nothing"
"Well, keep it up, you're doing a great job! Jesus, I'll tell ya"
And I am sick and tired for New York city taking the blame
In this country for the crime problem, you know
Whenever you read a fact chart, it always says Detroit leads the world
In rape and murder and everything else, but New York takes the blame
"New york's a cess pool, it's a cess pool of filth and crime
We're moving", "Hey! I just moved here four years ago
And I'm not leaving, because this is the most exciting place
In the world to live"
Oh yeah! Yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York city
Come on! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes
Construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks
Manhole covers blowing up, asbestos shooting into the sky
We had a subway crash here a couple of years ago
Five people died, the next day they found the driver was drunk
And hooked on crack, folks, this makes Disneyland
Look like a fucking bike ride, doesn't it?
"Your drive today is Edward, he's drunk and hooked on crack
The man sitting next to you has a loaded nine-millimeter
Good luck, folks!", "Honey, get the camera!"
This is gonna be fucking great!"
Yeah, I love living in New York, man and people who live in New York
We wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know
That fact impresses everybody! "I was in vietnam"
"So what? I live in New York!", "Really?
Yeah, 'cause New York teaches you to live life the way
It should be lived, moment to moment, yes
Because every moment in New York could be your last
Oh yeah, yeah
You could be walking down the street tomorrow
Feeling good about yourself, drink free, drug free
Looking forward to the future
And somebody accidently nudges their poodle off of a 75th floor ledge
Doink! And he's headed for the ground
At a hundred and seventy five thousand miles per hour
And curchunk he's impeded in your head! You're dead on contact
The headline in the post the next day reads, "Man killed by best friend"
People cut the article out and they laugh about it at the office
And you're forever remembered as the poodle man!
"I knew the poodle man and he hated fucking poodles"
New york teaches you to live life moment to moment
And street by street and beat to beat
Because we've all played that street ot street game in New York
Haven't we? Yes we have, good block, bad block, good block, bad block
Gun block, crack block, asbestos block, poodle block! Poodle block
'Cause most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die"
I disagree, I think life sucks, then you get cancer
Then you go into chemotherapy and you lose all your hair
You feel bad about yourself, then all of the sudden
The cancer goes into remission
You look good, you feel good, you're going great
And all of the sudden you have a stroke, you can't move your right side
And one day you step off the curb at 68th by Lincoln center and bang
You get hit by a bus and then, maybe, you die
Because I think Jim Hensen said it best when he said
"Anybody got any aspirin? I think I got a cold"
And a chill filled the room, we all have this incredible attachment
To the muppets, don't we? "We love the muppets! They're so cute!"
Did you hear about Jim Hensen's funeral? Here in New York city, huh?
Kermit the frog and big bird sang "It's not easy being green"
At Jim Hensen's funeral, if I'm fifty-six years old
When I kick the bucket and a fucking sock is singing at my funeral
I'm gonna pop out of the coffin and go
"Hey! What the Hell is this about? Sammy Davis Jr. gets Frank Sinatra
And I get a fucking sock?
I'm really pissed off now!