Childish Gambino - Because The Internet Screenplay - Part 4 Тексты

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INT. HOSPITAL - DAY



The Boy wakes up. He's in a gown. His eyes feel heavy. The TV is on in his room. "Golden Girls" to be specific. One of the ladies just said something funny cause there's a lot of laughter
Sitcom laughs always freaked him out. Because most of those people are dead. Those are ghost laughs. Laughs that are supposed to be gone forever linger on earth after every mid 90s joke about teenage sex or someone saying "don't go there". Looking for their mouths, never finding them because they're gone. The laughs don't feel good because they're dead laughs. Those laughs aren't what they stood for anymore. They've been reappropriated. Now they're just sounds monkey descendants make when amused to cue other monkey descendants when to make the sounds at home

...my eyes feel heavy

A nurse comes in

       WHITE GUY NURSE: Hello Mr.. How are you feeling?
       THE BOY: Like I'm about to get talked to by someone about- (gestures) All this

Nurse gives a "yep" look

       WHITE GUY NURSE: You're friends brought you in-
       THE BOY: They're not my friends
       WHITE GUY NURSE: I don't think they'd like you saying that
       THE BOY: Doesn't matter. It's the truth. But also, they know. We're not friends. There's a mutual benefit to our relationship, but I can't trust them for shit
       WHITE GUY NURSE: Then why save you?
       THE BOY: Cause their lives are far easier with me around. It's survival
       WHITE GUY NURSE: I think you should talk to someone
       THE BOY: We're talking
       WHITE GUY NURSE: A professional
       THE BOY: Why? You don't care. You're not gonna make sure I do. (then) Our lives aren't precious, man

Silence. The Nurse begins to clean up

       WHITE GUY NURSE: You done?
       THE BOY: I was trying to be
       WHITE GUY NURSE: No you weren't. Cause, guess what? It's not hard to do

Nurse leaves

INT. WAITING ROOM - LATER THAT DAY
The Boy walks out of the double doors. Steve, Swank, and Fam are sitting there. They look up wearily

       THE BOY: I don't wanna talk. Let's just go be awkward and quiet together at Chipotle. Alright?

They all just stare. Swank gets up slowly and walks over

       SWANK: Man...we didn't know if we should wait or tell you later, man

The Boy makes a face

       SWANK (CONT'D): Man...your pops died, man. Got the call

Silence

       THE BOY: Okay

(hum of a jet engine...)

**************

INT. JET PLANE - EVENING
The Boy lays his head against the plane window, the oil from his hair leaving grease smudges all over the window
His father died in Stockholm. A family member was needed. Didn't realize that they were each other's only family til this very moment. When you lose that, you basically lose most of your memories, at least the accuracy of your own memories
He wanted to be cremated
The Boy didn't really know anyone in Stockholm, but he also didn't want to be in his hotel room with his father for a day. Even if he was just ashes. So he decided to search through his followers for someone from Sweden

Some girl named "Hello_Pity_" Dm'd him back and they were supposed to meet up after all the whatever he had to do. Her profile bio said she was half french. She looked pretty in her avi: an inverted Hello Kitty. But that really doesn't mean anything at all, especially since her instagram was blocked, which is something he's learned not to trust at all
So he looked through her tweets, figured out a night she went to a club, used one of his dummy profiles and pretended that they'd met at the club that night. She had trouble remembering because, according to her feed, she was "fuckin turnt, lol". She added this made up dude as a friend on Facebook. Now The Boy could see her pictures
The rest of her pictures confirmed she was indeed pretty
This girl loves Justin Bieber though. New Justin Bieber. The "fuck you" Bieber. She loves Justin Bieber in the way you love that girl on Maury who's like "my favorite flavor popsicle is DICK!", which is close to sincere love, but nowhere near it at the same time

INT. STRANGE OFFICE - NIGHT
The Boy is sitting at a desk, across from a solemn man. An urn sits on the left side of the desk
The man slides it over to The Boy

       SOLEMN MAN: I'm sorry for your loss

Silence. Don't you have to ask someone before you cremate their father? I don't know how these things work

       SOLEMN MAN (CONT'D): These were found with him

He gives The Boy a large brown paper bag

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The Boy vapes on the foot of his bed. He's DMing back and forth with "Hello_Pity_" whose real name is Alyssa

       thegoldmolar: where u at
       Hello_Pity_: bar called box. meet u here?
       thegoldmolar: yeah
       Hello_Pity_: u should meet my boyfriend. he loves you

Weird

       thegoldmolar: sure
       Hello_Pity_: LOL. Don't worry. It's not like that
       thegoldmolar: wdym
       Hello_Pity_: see u soon

He puts his phone down

EXT. STOCKHOLM STREETS - NIGHT
There's a buzz going on. Very pretty people walk hand in hand on the street. There are people saying things, giving opinions, feeling interesting. Everyone has a purpose tonight. It's a great time
A couple walk by:

       SUPER HANDSOME GUY: Swedish blah blah blah roscoe's wetsuit hahahaha!
       SUPER PRETTY GIRL: blah blah, swedish blah blah roscoe's wetsuit!

The Boy walks up to a pink, glowing, but very discreet sign that says "box". There's a big bald guy standing outside with no hat. There's steam coming off his head
A girl is standing outside smoking, at least trying to. She can't seem to get the cigarette lit. It's Alyssa

       THE BOY: Hey
       ALYSSA: Ah! It's you

She gives him a kiss on both cheeks

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): Fancy meeting you like this, huh?
       THE BOY: I don't know what you mean

She puts out her cigarette. After two big puffs

       ALYSSA: Let's go
       THE BOY: Didn't you want me to meet your boyfriend?
       ALYSSA: Who? That guy?

She points to a corner of the building, a few steps from the front. A guy with long blonde hair (her boyfriend?)is making out with a girl in the cold

       THE BOY: What am I getting into?
       ALYSSA: Nothing. You're getting into nothing

CUT TO:
EXT. STOCKHOLM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
The Boy and Alyssa walk slowly through the streets. It's very cold, so they're the only ones doing that

       ALYSSA: What made you DM me?
       THE BOY: I don't know anyone here
       ALYSSA: Then why are you here?
       THE BOY: My dad died. I have to pick him up
       ALYSSA: R O U G H. How?
       THE BOY: Doesn't matter at this point
       ALYSSA: I know right? It's always "how'd he die?" Like if you know all the ways, you'll avoid it. Silly

She shivers

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): I don't believe in small talk. What's the longest relationship you've been in?
       THE BOY: Five years
       ALYSSA: Wow. What happened?
       THE BOY: I'm still in it
       ALYSSA: Oh?
       THE BOY: She does private web shows. We're not together. But it's a relationship, for sure
       ALYSSA: I don't get it
       THE BOY: I used to watch her online a while back. Then she quit and started doing private shows. Then it just started turning into talking. Mostly
       ALYSSA: Wooooaah
       THE BOY: Wha?
       ALYSSA: You're paying her to be your girlfriend or friend or whatever
       THE BOY: Yes. But most people are paying for friends one way or another
       ALYSSA: No
       THE BOY: Your boyfriend is making out with another girl right now. You don't really have room to judge
       ALYSSA: I trust that I can never trust him. We're clear on that
       THE BOY: Then why have him at all?
       ALYSSA: Because he's honest. And I like that. He doesn't lie to either of us. That's special to me

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT


The two are sitting on the bed staring at the urn on the table

       ALYSSA: So that's your dad
       THE BOY: That's my dad. That's what's left of him
       ALYSSA: You guys close?
       THE BOY: No
       ALYSSA: You wanna talk about it
       THE BOY: No

Silence

       THE BOY (CONT'D): I'm going to make a drink
       ALYSSA: Alright

The Boy gets up and goes into the living room. While he's in there, Alyssa gets up, takes the urn, and walks out of the room. The Boy hears the door slam

       THE BOY: Alyssa?

CUT TO:

**************

EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT
The Boy runs out of the front doors. His breath, clouding in the night. He looks both ways and catches Alyssa turning a corner. He runs to the corner and meets her on the other side

       THE BOY: What's going on
       ALYSSA: Let's get rid of it. It's just bad for you
       THE BOY: You have a TON of nerve judging me and my father's relationship, so much so, you just walk out with his ashes? I feel like what you're doing is against the law, but much like the fact he was cremated before I arrived, I don't know if it's illegal. I'm still pissed though
       ALYSSA: We're gonna do this together

The Boy is pissed. He's trying not to blow up

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): I had a sister. I did this when she died
       THE BOY: Yes. That gives you the right

Alyssa digs in her pocket and pulls out her phone. She turns it on and the background is Alyssa and a girl that looks exactly like her. The Boy takes the phone

       THE BOY (CONT'D): Twins
       ALYSSA: Yes
       THE BOY: I know we agreed that it's dumb to ask since we're all headed that way anyway, but-
       ALYSSA: Brain cancer. It was bad

Silence

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): So crazy

She LOLs. They're still walking this entire time. They stop at the water. They stand there making small clouds for a moment

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): You want to say something?

The Boy shrugs

       ALYSSA (CONT'D): Alright-
       THE BOY: Wait

The urn almost tips over the edge. She waits for him. He walks over and takes the urn and just holds it for a moment. Then he kinda hugs it. Laying his head on it, but turning his head so she can't see what he says:

       THE BOY (CONT'D, whisper): I'm sorry we're alone



He pours out the ashes. He's gone

       ALYSSA: How do you feel? Better?
       THE BOY: I feel...the same
       VOICE: HEY!

Alyssa and The Boy turn around. It's Alyssa's boyfriend

       BOYFRIEND: What the fuck, bro?
       ALYSSA: Oh, so you now you give a fuck

She pushes him back as he takes swipes at The Boy. The Boy is mildly annoyed. They're all yelling at each other

       BOYFRIEND/THE BOY/ALYSSA: You're dead ass-hole!/ Relax, nothing happened/ Would you stop!

The boyfriend breaks free from her

       BOYFRIEND: Do you know who the fuck I am?

       ALYSSA: Please don't. Please don't do this
       THE BOY: Nah, man. I don't know who you are
       BOYFRIEND (CONT'D, scream): WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY! (silence) I. Wrote. That. That's my shit. I'm the nigga dressed like a fox. That's all me
       THE BOY: What?

The boyfriend starts making the noises a fox makes in the song

       BOYFRIEND: That!
       ALYSSA (resigned, to The Boy): Like the song and video
       THE BOY: I've never heard of it
       ALYSSA AND BOYFIREND: What/wha?
       ALYSSA: I thought you "were the internet"?
       THE BOY: That's a tagline. No one is the actual internet. I just must've missed it when it was popular
       BOYFRIEND: Uh, by "when it was popular" do you mean, uhhh, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?!
       THE BOY: Relax
       BOYFRIEND: Two hundred and twenty million views on Youtube. Two hundred and twenty million. That's most of the earth
       THE BOY: Not true
       BOYFRIEND: An African village wrote to me-
       THE BOY: The whole village did?
       BOYFRIEND: -and told me that my song taught them about foxes. They don't have foxes there. I introduced the idea of a fox to an entire continent...(then) And you wanna fuck my girl?

Silence

       THE BOY: I do not wanna fuck your girl. I don't want to be here. I am going home now

The Boy walks away. Alyssa and her boyfriend start a boring argument in the cold as he disappears

CUT TO:
INT. LA VEGAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Fam, another girl, and The Boy sit in a booth at the restaurant. Fam and the girl are talking. The Boy is silent. Don't know if he's just bored or jet lagged from Sweden. Either way he's bumming everyone out

       ANOTHER GIRL: My friend should be here soon

The Boy doesn't say anything. Fam and the girl look on
A girl walks up to the table. The Boy looks up. It's the girl from the party

       NAOMI: Hi

The Boy doesn't say anything

       ANOTHER GIRL: This is Naomi. (then) Hello?
       FAM: He's dumb. You should just sit and ignore him

She sits down

       NAOMI: You're the guy that almost hit my arm
       THE BOY: Yes
       NAOMI: You guys order?
       THE BOY: No. I hate vegan. I think she's making us eat here
       NAOMI: I'm the vegan. I asked to eat here

Silence

       THE BOY: I hate vegan
       NAOMI (saying it dumb): Duhh, "I hate vegan"

In his head, he was lol-ing. In real life, he just kinda looked down

       NAOMI (CONT'D): What's the deal. Why you always act like your parents died

The Boy smirks

       THE BOY: They did

Awkward. Silence

       ANOTHER GIRL: I'm so sorry

Fam and The Boy stare at each other for a moment. Then laugh. Another Girl and Naomi do not

       FAM (to The Boy): Your parents are dead, man
       THE BOY: My parents are dead yo

They slowly stop laughing. Naomi thinks The Boy is weird. But she doesn't run

INT. MANSION - NIGHT
Fam and Another Girl are sitting on the swings smoking and talking about something they will never remember and don't really care about
Naomi and The Boy sit in the living room

       NAOMI: What did he do?
       THE BOY: I don't know
       NAOMI: How'd he afford all this?
       THE BOY: I don't know
       NAOMI: Then how can you afford all this? He leave you a lot?
       THE BOY: Creditors were after him. I don't know if he had anything left. I'm not concerned. (serious) I'm gonna sell drugs

Naomi LMAOs

       NAOMI: Whaaaaaat
       THE BOY: Fam can hook me up. I've been watching him for a minute. He runs out of here already
       NAOMI: I don't think you need me to tell you you're an awful dealer
       THE BOY: How would you even know?
       NAOMI: You make everything feel awkward. You can't connect with anyone. How is anyone supposed to feel like they can trust you?
       THE BOY: Yeah, that's what drug dealers are known for. Their comfort
       NAOMI: They are, dumb-ass. You gotta know how people work. You're only good with people online

He slowly turns to her. "how does she know that?"

       NAOMI (CONT'D): I looked you up
       THE BOY: After the party or just now
       NAOMI: Just now. I'm a writer too
       THE BOY: Oh really
       NAOMI: Yup. And I know I'm good cause people keep stealing my shit

She hits the vape

       NAOMI (CONT'D): I tweeted this. (holds up her phone) Is that not my poem verbatim? I posted them together. This nigga just rapped this like it was his
       THE BOY (looking at her phone): Your first mistake is being a poet past the year 1974, by the way
       NAOMI: That's how good my shit is. I'm bringing the whole form back
       THE BOY: You're cocky when you're high
       NAOMI: No. I'm talkative when I'm high. I'm cocky all the time, but I'm silent for most of it...like you

He looks up. She lifts an eyebrow. He doesn't smile. She goes cross-eyed. No response. She stops, then sighs

       NAOMI (CONT'D): You ever think we're in hell? This is all hell. Living on earth and being the only ones aware that it's all ending slowly

Silence

       THE BOY: No
       NAOMI: I read something that said more than likely we all just do this all again. It's all a cycle
       THE BOY: I like that theory
       NAOMI: Yeah. (then) See? You're not such a lonely boy

She LOLs and mushes his face with her hand. The Boy smh, but smiles