I woke up, threw some sweat pants on
Then I fed my cat and I walked to the mini mart
And I really want a donut, shouldn't get a donut
Bought a donut, fuck it man it's really hard
Supposed to be on a diet, I wanna be like Ryan
He lost thirty pounds on that paleo
But fuck it man I love fried shit
I was gonna get skinny for the summer
I was gonna start doing my crunches
But looking down at my stomach
I'mma go to the beach, but I'm not taking my shirt off in public
My girl shaped like a bottle of Coke
Me? I'm shaped like a bottle of nope
I'd like to order a hot dog, some bon bons
A large soda, and some tacos to go
I never knew what a carbohydrate was
Turns out that it's all the snacks I love
I wanna be like Hugh Jackman, you know jacked man
With a really huge package
I wanna be the 2015 Batman
And send Ben Affleck packing
If you ain't gonna treat Jennifer Garner right
You don't deserve to have that
You better pass that to the homie Matt Damon
He eat the booty like Pac Man
You know I feel good about this place
You know I feel good about this steak
You know I feel good about this shake
You know I feel good about these plates
You know I feel good about this crepes
You know I feel good about this cake
You know I just love how it tastes
I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no
Happy New Years
Everybody got a resolution
But the next day, we forget about it never do 'em
I went to the gym and got a membership
Five minutes on the treadmill and I never lift
That was four years ago I should probably cancel this
But they tell me I gotta do it in person, ain't that a bitch?
But tomorrow though, I'mma get fit
Get me a fuel band and a fit-bit
Get me some workout shoes, and a bench press
Some lulu lemons and a french press
I'mma finally focus do some private yoga
Exercise my shoulders, I'mma hide the donuts
Realign my posture, no time for sofas
I'm finally sober no lime Coronas
But again, that's tomorrow
And today man I gotta go big cause it's my last day
Before I lose that weight, I gotta get one last plate and go big
I ate all night, Kool-Aid on ice
I woke up and I felt like shit
And I said, "you know what, man fuck it
I should probably start on Monday instead"
Motherfucker let's eat
You know I feel good about this place
You know I feel good about this steak
You know I feel good about this shake
You know I feel good about these plates
You know I feel good about this crepes
You know I feel good about this cake
You know I just love how it tastes
I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no