We agonise over every single word that we put into our songs!
And, of course, there are many subjects that we'd never dream of touching in songs, such as...
...
unwanted facial hair...
Smegma!
... Ipswich...
... or how about:
Inviting a vegetarian to a barbecue?
Yelling TITANIC! on the QE2!
Meeting Prince Andrew and asking "What do you do?"
It's taboo
It's taboo
It's taboo!
When you're kissing, it's having bad breath
With your granny, talking 'bout death
If you're an actor, quoting Mac...
It's taboo, it's taboo, it's taboo.
Taboo is doing things that are sadly mistaken
Like saying Mohammed was partial to bacon
Asking Justin Bieber for a lift in his motor
Going to the ladies and leaving a floater!
Telling Mick Ken he's done a wonderful job
Posting a letter in Cherie Blair's gob
Telling Bruce Forsythe to bloody well quit
Or asking Rolf Harris to babysit!
So is it wise to go out in a crop top if you've got several babies?
I'd have to say no - it's not nice for us!
And is it wrong to make love to a sheep when you're not wearing wellies?
I'd have to say yes!
Oh, but why?
They might run away!
Picking your nose at an interview
Keeping your mouth open when you chew
Hogging the loo when there's a queue
It's taboo, it's taboo, it's taboo!
Doing a bunk on your wedding day
Sleeping with your brother when his wife's away
Admitting to the world you're a lousy lay
It's taboo, it's taboo, it's taboo!
Taboo is when you break society's rules
Like having a pee in a swimming pool
Telling Harry Styles his hair is skanky
Eating the bogies from a stranger's hanky!
Getting one over when your knickers aren't clean
Rogering yourself with an aubergine
Informing your hostess her dinner's a disgrace
By spitting out the gristle in her husband's face!
So should you ask the Dalai Lama if he misses Nepal?
I have to say no!
He comes from Tibet!
And should you use your sphincter to whistle the death march from Saul
I'd like to say yes, 'cos it's jolly good fun!
Discussing the details of your diarrhoea,
Giving your best friend gonorrhoea,
Sticking your tongue in the vicar's ear
It's taboo, it's taboo, it's taboo!
Telling Madonna she's obsolete
Sniffing Boris Johnson's bicycle seat
Asking Oscar Pistorius "Do you miss your feet?"
It's taboo, it's taboo, it's taboo.
So if you ask me if taboo is crazy convention
I have to say yes, I have to say yes
And if you ask me if...
/spoken/
we'd've included all the other taboos that we read about, 'cos we did an awful lot of research for writing this song - we read Freud and Kant and Young, and there were lots and lots of other taboos we wanted...
/sung/
... to mention
I have to say no!