Wizard Of Oz - Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead (reprise) Lyrics

Wizard
Why have you come back?
Dorothy
Please, sir. We've done what you told us.
We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Wizard
Oh - you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
Dorothy
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us - if you please, sir.
Wizard
Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought!
Go away and come back tomorrow!
Dorothy
Tomorrow! Oh, but I want to go home now!
Wizard
Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said come back tomorrow! Oh!
The Great Oz has spoken!
Oh! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Great, Powerful -- has spoken --
Dorothy
Who are you?
Wizard
Well, I - I - I am the Great and Powerful - Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
You are?
Wizard
Uh -
Dorothy
I don't believe you!
Wizard
No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Dorothy
Oh - you're a very bad man!
Wizard
Oh, no, my dear. I - I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow
What about the heart that you promised the Tin Man?
Wizard
Well, I -
Scarecrow
And the courage you promised Cowardly Lion?
Wizard
Well, I -
Tin Man and Lion
And Scarecrow's brain?
Wizard
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity.
Back where I come from we have universities - seats of great learning -
where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out,
they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But -
they have one thing you haven't got - a diploma! Therefore, by virtue
of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum,
I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow
Th.D.?
Wizard
Yeah - that - that's Dr. of Thinkology
Scarecrow
How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard
Well, you can't! As for you my fine friend, you are a victim or disorganized thinking.
You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you
have no courage! You are confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come fro mwe have
men who are called heroes. Once a year they take their fortitude out of mothballs and
parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have.
But - they have one thing that you haven't got! A medal!! Therefore, for meritorious conduct,
extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross.
You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Lion
Oh - oh, shucks, folks - I'm speechless!
Wizard
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart!
You don't know how lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Man
But I - I still want one.
Wizard
Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds.
They are called phil....er.....phil...er...er....good-deed-doers
and their hearts are no bigger than yours, but they have one thing you haven't got!
A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure
at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection.
And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love,
but by how much you are loved by others.
Tin Man
Oh, Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Lion
Read - read what my medal says. Courage! Ain't it the truth!
Dorothy
Oh - oh they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow
Hey, what about Dorothy?
Dorothy
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Wizard
Well - you force me into a cataclysmic decision.
The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy
Oh! Oh, will you? Could you? Oh! Oh, but are you a clever enough wizard to manage it?
Wizard
Child, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself, born and bred -
in the heart of the western wilderness, premier Baloonist, highest class.
And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the Land of E Pluribus Unum!
This is positivey the finest exhibition ever to be shown.....well, be that as it may.
I, your Wizard, par adua outer, am about to embark on a hazardous and technically
unexplainable journey into the outer stratosphere. To confer, converse and otherwise
hob-nob with my brother wizards. And I hereby decree that until what time, if any,
that I return, the Scarecrow by virtue of his highly superior brains, shall rule in my stead,
assisted by the Tin Man, by virtue of his magnificent heart, and the Lion by virtue of his
courage! Obey them as you would me.
Dorothy
Oh, Toto - come back! Toto! Toto! Oh, don't go without me! I'll be right back! Toto!
Tin Man
Stop that dog!
Dorothy
Oh, come back, come back, don't go without me! Please, come back!
Wizard
I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Goodbye, folks! People of Oz
Peope of OZ
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Dorothy
Oh, now I'll never get home!
Lion
Stay with us, then, Dorothy. We all love you. We don't want you to go.
Dorothy
Oh, that's very kind of you, but this could never be like Kansas.
Auntie Em must have stopped wondering what
happened to me by now. Oh, Scarecrow, what am I going to do?
Scarecrow
Look! Here's someone who can help you.
Dorothy
Oh - will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda
You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy
I have?
Scarecrow
Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda
Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Tin Man
What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy
Well, I - I think that it - that it wasn't enough just to want to see
Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. And that it's that - if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?
Glinda
That's all it is!
Glinda
Are you ready now?
Dorothy
Yes. Say goodbye, Toto. Yes, I'm ready now.
Glinda
Then close your eyes and think to yourself 'There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.'
Dorothy and Glinda
'There's no place like home. There's no place like home.'