{*a parody of Method Man's song "All That I Need"*}
They all will bleed and then die, a-aahh
Jason's a guy that you really oughtta watch for
To him you ain't nothin' but a fly, he'll squash ya
Nothin' feels worse than an axe to the scrotum
Chop off your head you'll be dead like the others
All just revenge for his mother, Ewokie
I don't think he wants to play hockey
Back in part one his mother took revenge for her son
Then someone said hey it was good, make another one
Even when the sequels bombed they would think of new ways
To kill people so they made another one
Now there's eighty-some-odd movies you can rent in the store
And you know that they're gonna make more, and keep it up (aww)
And the story's the same, we ask why
Kids go to camp, have sex, and then die
So what, you don't need a plot to make a buck
We got masks to make, I tell ya it's so fake
Just get a bunch of kids to go to Crystal Lake
You know Jason's gonna turn 'em into Shake-N-Bake
They're all dead, Jason kept his mother's head
And the maggots 'round here are well-fed, he's a killer
They all will bleed and then die, a-aahh
He's almost all bones, 'cause he's rotted off his skin tones
Five minutes alone you're as lively as a stone
Obviously Jason has a mind of his own
He cut open someone's head and then he took the thing home
Even when he's dead he won't stay that way long
Uses pick-axes, knives, a weed whacker, a tampon too
Crazy glue and a shoe, that's how he kills
You give him some money, he'll give you some thrills
Don't forget your popcorn, then you will be fine
You'll be seein' him till the end of time, best believe
They're all gonna die and you know it's true
All the druggies and the smokers and the health nuts too
Anything from a sneeze to a gun will do
And then they'll make another movie just for you