Said Mr Jiggs to Mrs Jiggs, I've got to go out tonight.
Said Mrs Jiggs to Mr. Jiggs, Why honey it's quite alright.
Don't be afraid to grieve me, be on your way!
I know you hate to leave me, but it's okay.
You've got to go out, you've got a big date
You've got to go out, you're coming home late
And so is your old lady.
You've got a sick friend who's got to be watched
You're taking along a bottle of Scotch
And so is your old lady.
And while you're telling some baby you're lonesome
Don't think I'm home by my own-some.
You're getting too gay, you're getting too hot.
You're getting away with a terrible lot.
So is your old lady.
You're looking around for somebody new.
You're looking for love, and getting it too
And so, so is your old lady.
You're spending your dough, you're writing out checks.
You're hanging around the opposite sex.
And so, so, so's your old lady.
And while you're out on your nightly vacation,
I'm getting my consolation.
You're having your fling, you're having your fun.
You're getting to be a son-of-a-gun.
So, so is your old lady.
You're getting too cranky, getting too cross
You're wondering how to get a divorce
And so, so is your old lady.
You're learning to tongue and learning to step
You're full of new life and full of new pep
And so, so is your old lady.
Though you don't think I'm as young as I was, dear,
I know somebody who does, dear.
You're starting to flirt and starting to fall
You're acting like you wasn't married at all
And so, so is your old lady.
And every hair that I find on your shoulder
Just makes me bolder and bolder.
You're slipping away, you're losing your hold
You're losing your head, you're losing control
And so, so is your old lady.