hey office lady
i see you there with your rolodex
you know what i'm gonna do for you
i'ma change out this water jug one handed
but first i'ma spill a few drops into your lap
and dab them up with this powerful organ in my mouth
and by that i mean my tongue
because i'm a man
and i can tell by my reflection in this duck painting that i look good
you know what a man does?
lays his finger to the side of his nose to catch the grease
then dips that finger into his beer head
and that head goes down
yeah i mentioned going down
you heard of it?
i just wanna take that packet of pens and spill it on your naked back
african rain i call that
where's your boss?
don't answer that, because he's right here
i'm pointing at me
i'm your boss
get me a coffee and dip your undies in it
because i like my coffee with a nib of cream
i'm a man miss office lady
who's in that picture frame?
i like kids but i don't like boyfriends
and i don't like husbands
you ever been to a zoo and seen the apes?
you ever seen the apes and thought those hairy abominations
that hairy one in the corner touching himself with his leather fingers
that's a man?
when you think of that, you think of me.
you take dictations?
you get it?
you ever been stapled?
never mind, we'll get to that
you cold?
put on that cardigan you got hanging over your chair
do it slow.
pick up that phone and dial S E X F U N
and guess what
my belt's gonna vibrate and i'll put you on speaker so you can hear yourself begging
i'ma pick up the phone saying what am i?
and you know how you'll answer, a man.
go ahead and cry if you need to cuz i love being flattered
yeah lick that envelope
get that corner real good
let's refill your stapler
go on
get out them post its and write yourself a reminder to thank god for man
you got too much shit on your desk
you like foreplay? cuz i don't.
i like to cut to the chase.
call a spade a spade.
i'm a straight shooter.
i'm a man among men.
i'll take the milk and the cow.
that's you, you're the cow.
i'm easy breezy, gonna measure your entry spot with that ruler you got from the work picnic last summer
i already know you're a size Q panty hose
Q for quit talking chubby11
i hope you know how to cook cuz mother don't wake up till noon
and by that time i'll be here with you
refilling your water cooler and watching you suck on that hard candy like you never heard of an innuendo
so get ready because come five i'll be in the van outside waiting
rubbing at myself like that ape in his cage
thinking about your nasty nasty nasty desk
and so help me
don't you forget the paperclips.