SAMMY
No one tells you how you ought to live
No one glares when you do jello shooters
GUYS
Jello
SAMMY
No one says that you're insensitive cause her birthday meal took place at Hooters
GUYS
Hooters
SAMMY
No one tells you that your bald spot's grown
Or that you ought to tone your flab
GUYS
Tone your flab
SAMMY
So pour a double gin
Here's to your double chin
ALL
Yeah, start the party
Start a tab
SAMMY
Cause you're
ALL
Single
SAMMY
You are
ALL
Single
SAMMY
And you'll keep staying single if you're smart
GUYS
If you are smart
SAMMY
Yeah, you're single
You are single
No chick will ever moonwalk on your heart
GUYS
Moonwalk on your heart
SAMMY
Trust me
ALL
This is when the good times really start
SAMMY
No one minds the laundry on your floor
RICKY
No one pouts with every chick you look at
BUM
No one tries to clean your porno drawer
SAMMY
No one traps you with
SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM
"Does my ass look fat?"
GEORGE
Bust a move in womens's underwear
While you're blasting Cher or Wham
GUYS
Cher or Wham!
SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM
So fill your ranger's cup
The toilet seat stays up
The fridge gets stocked with beer and spam
GEORGE
Cause you're
ALL
Single
GEORGE
You are
ALL
Single
GEORGE
Not a care in the world can bother you
GUYS
Can bother you
GEORGE
You are single
You are single
You can do what you've always wanted to
GUYS
Always wanted to
GEORGE
Well, no commitments
SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM
Cause you're only passing through
(rap)
RICKY
Yo, making a date with some needy girl
Is a waste of my time and my Jheri Curl
SAMMY
I don't need a girl who don't understand
When I got a date with my left hand
BUM
Well, I like the ladies, heaven knows
But in the words in Nietzsche, "Bro's before Ho's"
GEORGE
Now, I don't like a girl who'll cry and bawl
In fact, I never liked girls at all
ROBBIE
Sammy, George, Ricky and Bum
I'm starting to see where you're coming from
ROBBIE
Cause I'm
ALL
Single
ROBBIE
Oh, yeah
ALL
Single
ROBBIE
I'll behave like a dude's meant to behave
GUYS
Meant to behave
ROBBIE
Always single
Ever single
Single now and till I'm in my grave
ALL
Single till I am lying in my grave
SAMMY
Though at times I might want someone to hold me tight
And promise me that everything'll be all right
(spoken)
BUM
Everything'll be all right.
SAMMY
Thanks, man.
(sung)
ALL
I'll stay single till I'm rotting slowly in my lonely forgotten grave