A remedy at night
To cure your shitty day.
You need a special someone
To pour your pain away.
So right before you knock back
The nectar that'll numb.
We hope that you remember
Just where it's coming from.
So slap it down, slap it down, slap it on the bar.
We don't give a fuck who you think you are!
Tip your bartender, you cheap fucking bastard.
Tip your bartender, they're helping you get plastered.
Before you grab that frosty glass
and put it to your lips
Remember that their sorry ass
is living off your tips.
Tip your bartender!
They're whiffing in your beer breath.
They're breathing in your smoke.
They're smiling and laughing
At your stupid fucking jokes.
They're wiping up your vomit.
They're mopping up your piss.
When whipping out your wallet
You best remember this.
So stack it up, stack it up, stack it on the bar.
We don't give a fuck who you think you are!
Tip your bartender, you cheap fucking bastard.
Tip your bartender, bow down and call them master.
They listen to your pick up lines
While trying not to laugh.
So don't be such a greedy swine
And tip the goddamn staff.
Tip your bartender!
They listen to confessions
Like the father in the booth.
They try to teach you lessons
And serve you with the truth.
They're dealing with your bullshit,
Dealing with your strife.
They're snatching up your car keys
To save your worthless life.
So slap it down, stack it up, on the fucking bar.
We don't give a fuck who you think you are!
Tip your bartender, you cheap fucking bastard.
Then maybe next time
You'll get your drink faster.
Dealing with you drunken fucks,
It surely ain't for fun.
So if you got some extra bucks
You better give them one.
Tip your bartender!
(C'mon, cough it up you cheap bastard!)
Tip your bartender!
(What the hell else you gotta do with that money, huh?
Oh, I don't wanna know.)
Tip your bartender!
(Oh christ, what're you, gonna buy one of those ???)
Tip your bartender, you cheap fucking bastard.