Epic Rap Battles of History - Blackbeard vs. Al Capone Lyrics

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
AL CAPONE
VERSUS
BLACKBEARD
BEGIN

Blackbeard:
I come strapped
with six pistols and a dagger
walk under the black flag
with a scallywag swagger
ain't no parrot on my shoulder
and no rings in my ear
I'm an irate pirate
real swashbuckling buccaneer
beef with me please
I'm the high seas Caesar
my cold heart is many degrees
beneath the deep freezer
you're an obese greasy sleaze
squeezing a diseased peter
that no skeezer would touch
if she had fifty foot tweezers
don't start a war with me
you're not hardcore
I'll pimp slap those face scars of yours
port and starboard
you spent time in Alcatraz
I'm sure you were fine
if you dropped the soap as little
as you drop dope rhymes

Al Capone:
I'm a busy man Captain Crunch
I'll make this quick
I'm ruining pirates faster
than Johnny Depp did
I had syphilis yeah
well you're a huge dick
with a scurvy ridden ship
filled with bilge rat pricks
I run an indicate criminal syndicate
so show respect
or get that tongue ripped out your neck
and shoved straight up your poop deck
slapping bitch ass teaches
back since I was fourteen
you ain't a tough guy
my kids dress up like you for Halloween
I'll use that fuse in your hat
to light up you and your buddies
then burn your sailboat down
and collect the insurance money
then maybe they find your bloated body
dead and washed up on the beach
this is Capone rapping
and I'm capping this Captain
capisce?

Blackbeard:
The Valentine's Massacre
brought you condemnation
but I'm gonna sink you faster
than your income tax evasion
when I toss you overboard
like a mob abomination
so prepare to learn
the Davy Jones locker combination
forty cannon on the Queen Anne
your gang can't stop it
I'll pilfer all your rum
and sell it back at a profit
cause I'm a criminal legend
with a bad ass name
you're a fat thug
with an STD in his brain

Al Capone:
C'mon they chopped your head off
and they hung it from a rope
the only legend you left
was your prohibition on soap
I mean that rat nest beard's
trapped so many crumbs
this bum could get marooned
and still eat lunch for a month
I'm the emcee assassin
slash like Edward Kenway
rap so hard cal me Al
dente
take your little sloop John B
and go home
tell South Carolina
Blackbeard got Capwned

WHO WON
WHO'S NEXT
YOU DECIDE
EPIC RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
EPIC RAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
EPIC RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP BATTLES OF HISTORY