The time machine arrived in the village
Just as the fire was being extinguished
A pagan festival had gone too far
A family dead and villagers armed
The intelligence men had been called in
But the look on the face of the Timelord was grim
As he attempted to fathom the Village of Death
the Village of Death
The villagers were all silent and busy
Except for one bespectacled Biddy
She took refuge in a Bleak old House
Where the Timelord sat and engaged her in chat
Reading through the dementia he found
The deceased and Biddy had common ground
They both knew more than they were supposed to
And they were witches
And what would life be like without comedy?
And what would life be like without insanity?
Amongst the wreckage from the fire
A crystal clean and bright
The Army wants it lock and key
but The Timelord has such curiosity...
Mr Stagnant baked for the village
He was holding back a keen intelligence
He was holding back something else
As the Brigadier sent his men to search
The Timelord arrived at breakfast
Stagnant fled to the bathroom
Where he cut himself shaving madly
And his blood dripped green
And his blood dripped green!
Through the bottom of the sink
Deadlocked doors, a trap for a Timelord
A coven in suspicion, a rustle, a noise
Distracted soldier fell for the ploy
The crystal gone, a coven numb
The village under Stagnant's thumb
And what would life be like without aliens?
And what would life be like without invasions?
Well the sonic screwdriver dealt with the door - a lazy trap, but Stagnant and wife gone. Feet up - the mind applied - cheese and wine - library fines - the Brig in line - just like old times.
A mysterious signal sounded
And all the villagers halted
Took up weapons, surrounded Biddy
who wailed like a harpy
At the sound they fell and cringed
Stagnant appeared with thunder
and shed his borrowed skin
- the Brigadier was dumbstruck
The reptile eyes were glowing
The shiny slimy scales showing
and Biddy was chanting, but then a vision:
the crystal rescued from the fire
in the Timelord's hand - he said leave!
But Stagnant was so tuned into its presence
His senses overloaded - he could not hold it
And he imploded!
And the sky exploded!
The Brigadier jumped for cover
and Doctor!
The villagers were depossessed
As the Timelord explained the rest
all about the war
between the mystic witches
and the reptilian lurkers
and their plot to conquer England
thwarted in time for tea
In time for tea and crumpets
In time for tea at three