I was sittin' at home just a-listenin' to my radio
An' along came a fella who apparently had been on the go
Well, he started in a-braggin' 'bout ev'rywhere he'd been
And there isn't any place in this whole world he hasn't seen
You ask me where I've been, an' I'm a-going to tell you, Pard
Why, I ain't even been outside the gate in my backyard
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I didn't want to go, so
I guess I'll never know, Joe
An old stick in the mud, Bud
I ain't been anywhere
I ain't seen London, Paris, Washington, Chicago,
Bombay, Mandalay, Calgary, Cashmere,
Thailand, Ireland, Iceland, Greenland,
Halifax, Poland, Switzerland, Scotland,
Liverpool, Dry Gulch, Tombstone, Moscow,
Carlsbad, Leningrad, Stalingrad, too bad!
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I didn't want to go, so
I guess I'll never know, Joe
An old stick in the mud, Bud
I ain't been anywhere
Siam, Amsterdam, Oslo, Rotterdam,
Birmingham, Tokyo, Melbourne, Saigon,
Trinidad, Hong Kong, Florida, Reykjavik,
Copenhagen, Berlin, Congo, Key West,
Petersburg, Wallisburg, Cherbourg, Luxemburg,
Chalush, Toronto, Cripple Creek, I am sick!
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I didn't want to go, so
I guess I'll never know, Joe
An old stick in the mud, Bud
I ain't been anywhere
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I didn't want to go, so
I guess I'll never know, Joe
An old stick in the mud, Bud
I ain't been anywhere
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I ain't been anywhere, Joe
I didn't want to go, so
I guess I'll never know, Joe
An old stick in the mud, Bud
I ain't been anywhere
SPOKEN: Wait a minute! Horsehair!
Why, doggone it, that's my hometown
So I guess I must 'a' been there, huh?