Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Backstage at the local Armory, Mary, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P.A. System.
Larry:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you
At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...
Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'This is the way to go'
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
`Cause you're the CREW SLUT
Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...
Larry:
That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...
Mary:
And rubber...
Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...
Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...
Mary:
Ha ha ha...
Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!
Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
A present for me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya got?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You'll love it...
Mary:
With Leather?
Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not
...I don't know... I'll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
BIG TROUBLE!