Epic Rap Battles of History - Rasputin vs Stalin Songtexte

Grigori Rasputin:
Cool moustache, Wario
Try messing with the Mad Monk, you'll be sorry, yo
How many dictators does it take
To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?
It's a disgrace what you did to your own people
Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia, and the history books unfold ya
As a messed up motherfucker bent in the mind
Who built a superpower but he paid the price
With the endless destruction of Russian lives
If you're a man of steel, I spit kryptonite!
Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize
I could end you with a whisper to your wife!

Joseph Stalin:
Look into my eyes, you perverted witch
See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!
You think I give a fuck about my wife?
My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!
You got off easy when they pickled that moose cock
I'll leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot
Your whole family, shot! All your wizard friends, shot!
Anyone who sold you pierogi, shot!
Starve you for days till you waste away
I even crush motherfuckers when I'm laid in state
Pride of Lenin, took Trotsky out of the picture
Drop the hammer on you harder than I bitch-slapped Hitler

Vladimir Lenin:
I have no pride for you
Who ruined everything my revolution was doing
To stop the Bourgeoisie
I fought the bondage of classes, the proletariat masses
Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your asses
Let me start with you there, Frankenstein
Looking like something out of R.L. Stine
It's hip-hop chowder, red over white
Cause the Tsar's wife can't do shit tonight
And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right hand man
But your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man!
Our whole future was bright, you let your heart grow dark
And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!

Mikhail Gorbachev:
Knock knock knock knock
Did somebody say birthmarks?
Yo, I'm the host with the most Glasnost
Assholes made a mess and the war got cold
Shook hands with both Ronalds, Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt
If your name end with "in", time to get out!
I had the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, player!
Torn down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!
You two need yoga, you need a shower
And you all need to learn how to handle real power!