Guy 1: Hello Christian internet. Welcome to our black metal weblog Det Satan Club.
Guy 2: Det Satan Club!
(Cue music)
Yaghhhhhhhhhh
Deep in the bowels of Norway
Where every church has third-degree burns
Det Satan Club presents
Pictures
Pictures
Pictures for Christians
(Music ends)
Guy 1: You Christians love to see pictures of your precious Jesus, suffering on the cross.
Guy 2: You love it
Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of Jesus in comfortable positions. Like
(Cue music)
Jesus in a bubble bath
Jesus in a bubble bath
Making suds and having fun
Jesus lounging poolside
Jesus in a chaise lounge
Sipping on delicious drinks
Jesus getting beauty rest
Jesus making sure he doesnt
End up getting crows feet
(Music ends)
Guy 1: Christians hate to see pictures of your Jesus so comfortable.
Guy 2: It makes you rigid with fear
Guy 1: If you saw Jesus inyoga pants, youre- f- youd- f- youd shit yourself. You- your face would shit.
Guy 2: Your face would shit
Guy 1: Cause you fight us. You Christians love to fight. Especially with other religions.
Guy 2: You love fighting with them!
Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of a world where
(Cue music)
All religions get along
Christians and Muslims
Jews and the other ones
Riding tandem bicycles
Maybe at a sleepover
The Christians and Muslims will have
Slug wars in sleeping bags
Slug wars equal friendship
(End music)
Guy 1: We imagine a world where Christians and Jews and Muslims play Pictionary together. And not the way family members play where they are at each others throats, but the way strangers play where they are on their best behaviour.
Guy 2: Pictionary is fun without the family politics!
Guy 1: You Christians love imagining that the world will end when four horsemen arrive to signal the apocalypse.
Guy 2: So do we*pause*
(Cue music)
But the horsemen are cool dudes
Frosted tips and visors
Having fun on seadoos
Helping kids with homework
High-fiving people with self-esteem problems
While Satan watches thinking
(Music ends)
Satan: Yesthis pleases me.