I don't want to go to the club, I'd rather sit down on the couch
And watch a movie while my girlfriend jerks me off
Maybe I want to clown around and turn my music super loud
And if I didn't then I isn't Asher Roth
I like to wake up in the morning with a yawn and a stretch
Check my phone and see all the messages I missed
"Asher it's important call me when you get a sec,
I wan't to talk about insurance and enormous amounts of debt"
Head in to the kitchen find out what's for break'
Peanut butter jelly, soft boiled egg
Turning on the telly, ESPN
Hitting Blake Griffin like "Let's be friends"
Cause I'm cool as Chuck and I write dope raps
And you slam dunk over Optimas, dag
Asher Roth is killing ya
Play board games, answer trivia
Go and stand Philly up, L-A sold separately
Proceed, TiVo Jeopardy!, please, no, never me
I'm more Supermarket Sweep, I go right for the bleach
And the big stabs of meat, no beef
Don't have a cow man, I make crowds freak out, go wild man
Kid look out of it, hold the stylist and the powder kit
It's hip hop, not the ballad bitch
On second calculus, I'll take the mani and the pedi
Pro Chevron, anti-Getty
If I'm getting clawed, I'm losing my Machete
If I'm at a party, I'm throwing the confetti
Shout out to Spencer Hawes, know him now as Chevy
From the state of Wash, where they smoke Hetties
Look like Tom Petty, sort of Wayne Gretzky
Either way you put it I'm smoother than uncle Jessie
I can do a handstand chilling underwater
I used to do it longer, but I started Marijuan-er
To talk about how power only wants to hold us down
I figured it all out because I'm older now
Maybe a little jaded, think we should go crazy
Have a bunch of sex and having a bunch of babies
Cause if I'm going out, want titties in my face
Smoking weed on some we slurping on a milkshake
Yo Andy Roddick, your girlfriend is a hottie
I hope you don't mind, I wanna give her that Roth dick
Don't take it wrong shit, I know you got a fast serve
But if it doesn't work, tell her "Holler Asher"
Nerd, kind of flirt, kind of twerp
What's it's worth, with the words, for sure
Kinda works, see I think I deserve to be a slime and a perv
Rules don't apply like I'm Tiger Woods
Sipping on the tiger blood, you better go and chase a liger bruh
I'm kind of tired of the show
I don't want to go to the club, I'd rather sit down on the couch
And watch a movie while my girlfriend jerks me off
Maybe I want to clown around and turn my music super loud
And if I didn't then I isn't Asher Roth